Monday, December 31, 2007

Game of the Year 2007

12/31/2007 05:04:00 PM

The average MapleStory basement-dweller

The average Maple fan-forum faggotry

Maple Story

Maple Story is an anime-styled MMORPG published originally by the company Nexon. In SEA, the publishing company is AsiaSoft. Think of a cross between Gaia, Mario, and everything evil ever to be included in teh internets. Being made in Korea, the users are composed of weeaboos, basement-dwellers, pedophiles, and other assortments of fag.

Of course, these are known to be some of the most batshit insane peoples ANYWHAR, and so Nexon makes tons of moneys from it. To download this game is to say goodbye to any hope of ever succeeding at anything you will encounter during your lifetime, and prepare for a long, lonely road of internet porn, fast food, and eventual suicide. Then again, you never had much potential, anyway.

It should be noted that Maple Story is the longest MMORPG in history, since, as a player, you will be distracted by the amazing 2D anime styled art, STRAIT FRUM KOREA KEKEKEKEKEKE ^___________^

Game

Hold a key.
????
You are now a piece of shit.

Srsly, that's what you'll be doing the majority of the time. Being 2D, the only thing you'll ever be able to do is stand next to a hold whatever the fuck key your attack is on, and watch the screen like a fucktard.

BUT WAIT, THERE'S MOAR!!1

As you sit on your naked, fat ass, you may encounter a variety of shitheads. There are always at least 100 script kiddies waiting to hax up your map, and all of them will no doubt flame you on how "ur dmg sux", "ur eyes rnt slantd liek mines", etc.

Then there's a whole army of Peruvian retards who will spam the shit out of you, until either you give them "100 sqishy liquidz@@@@@@, or they get V& for smuggling crack via their sister's asshole.

Also, be aware that there are no girls in MapleStory. If someone with a name like "lilaznqtx3" starts asking to be your gf, sign off, close and lock all windows and doors, buy a dog, etc. It's the pedobear, and he's looking for some fresh ass.

DO NOT play this if you happen to be one of the following:

A PETA member. Maple Story requires you to get over your ovaries and fucking kill snails to get money to make a stick to kill more snails.
A God fearing Christian Maple story is constantly filled with weeaboo faggots that mainly worship Naruto, for great faggotry. A majority of these players will be the assassin class, who will always KS you and call you a noob, just for being on their channel while they are grinding to Linkin Park.
People with fucking money. Maple Story noobs have the tendency to falsely report your ass to the game mods because they think you hacked the game just to get blue hair.
Anyone with common sense.
Anyone who has a life.

AsiaSoft Cash

Waste your money here!

AS Cash, or AsiaSoft Cash, is what you get when you spend irl money on a free game. All spoiled, MapleStory-addicted children who are lucky enough to get a hold of their mommy or daddy's credit cards/Paypal information, will blow hundreds of dollars per month on NX. This is used to buy worthless shit in MapleStory's Cash Shop system. The only purpose of these items is to make their character look super spechul.

Such items include:

Pets that follow you around and annoy other users by letting out horrid emulations of animal noises when they are praised or punished.
Super kawaii clothing!11
Megaphones in which users can shout to an entire server that they fail at life and have AIDS.
More worthless shit.
Wedding rings, for those who are impossibly lonely and need a steady partner for cybering.
PEDOBEAR HAT!?11?1

It's true. MapleStory features a Pedobear hat, and for only $2.60. If you are going to spend money on this game, this is possibly the only worthy item to buy. Not only is it endlessly entertaining to also purchase a net and chase little girls around, but, if you don't have a mask but see someone who does, it's also fairly lulzy to follow them and put your character into 'compromising' positions with said bear. The user who you're harrassing probably doesn't know what Pedobear is, but they get annoyed quickly when you mention it and ask them if they'd be interested in attending your little brother's/sister's 3rd birthday party tomorrow and that you already know that they're 'nice and tight'. This is also fair evidence that Nexon is run by pedophiles. All they need now is Shotacat, amirite?

Common phrases in MapleStory

CC PLZ - Please go to another channel because I want to kill those monsters. Usually used by Wapanese assholes, running on a fresh cup of tiger jizz.
S>+1INT HMT60%/+3STR BW10%/SPCLW+2/5mil/fuku n1gg3rs/@@@@@@ - Pardon me sir, would you be interested in some of this worthless bullshit inventory that I need to get rid of? This phrase can be recognized as "S>" followed by any form of indecipherable AOL speak.
1K PLZ - Can you spare me a thousand of your mesos please?
OMG U HAXX0R !!!!1 - How did you get your skin to be lilac?

FAME PLZ - Can you add a point of fame to my account please?
DONT KS B!TCH - Please don't killsteal. (The ! takes the place of the I in bitch because of Maple Story's shitty censors)
Looking for GF/BF with NX whisp/chat me!!! Usualy spammed by basement dwellers on a super megaphone because they lack the ability to find a partner of the opposite sex irl.
JPQ!!!!@@@@#@##### - I am gathering members of comparable standing to engage in a MapleStory party quest.
SPAM T1GERC0CK469 LV125 LEGIT 6JOB GRATZ$OMGLUL - Please assrape my lifeless stalker-friend for playing this terrible game 48 hours straight.

How to troll Maple Story

Hack and KS n00bs in the beginner areas with a high level character.
Repeatedly tell them that they have AIDS.
Claim a popular area and spam "CC PLZ" to everyone.
Whisper to the people in wedding announcements and tell them that their future e-spouse is ugly, and or, has cheated on them with another e-lover. (Give them the name of a random person you have passed by for added lulz)
Play a drop game (A game in which you and other players drop rare items to show off to each other) and use a "vac hack" (A hack in which all items on screen will come to you for grabbing instantly) to grab the items. You then proceed to log off, keeping the hard earned items forever. This leaves the other players cutting themselves in sadness and anger.
Go into the wedding area, Amoria, and spam "LOOKING FOR PQ@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@" repeatedly.
Spam trade/party invites as much as possible.
Make fun of asians, this will result in the thousand nations of the asian empire descending upon you, Srsly.
Spam on megaphones (or anywhere near a crowd of people, word spreads quickly amongst the maplers) how much you dislike anime, preferably Naruto or any anime on adult swim.
Call someone a n00b despite the fact you might be 20-30 levels lower than that person. Also, calling someone with a srsly high level a hacker generally leads to their guild threatening to kill you irl. Bonus points for doing it on a shitty fan-forum.
Repeatedly ask "MESAR PL0X?!?!" to anyone that walks by, and dont stop until that person logs off.
B>(buy) all the shit you can see and destroy it all, inflating the e-conomy.

Use Your Sack

One of the gloriously undocumented features in this game is the random appearance of items with names like Black Sack, Different Sack, and Monster Sack. As it turns out, their only purpose is to spontaneously spawn a certain type and number of deadly creatures wherever the sack master is standing. You can dress up your character to look like the other n00bs, stand in a crowd of 20 people, and unleash monsters on them while they are AFK or trying to heal. Either that, or use it on one AFK pro, and when he comes back, get your popcorn ready for the butthurt.

come in kekekeke

i say,